Merry Christmas and a happy new year

Another year on the books, and what can I say - has it been better than the last? Not really. I feel like I keep making the same mistakes; never changing my ways, and never learning from what I already know for a better fulfilled life. I'm not as obsessed with death and my eventual ending, but should be focused on what I can do to live my best life with the time I have. Also, I need to pay attention to my health. My habits need to change for better ones such as exercise, walking/running. Read more, eat/drink less. quit sugar. I've not been one to eat sweet stuff, but I can't stop. Candy, chocolate. bad. chips, and fries, need to go. I'm not getting younger. 

Goals for the new year - focus on learning some coding skills, writing, reading more. Hobbies - crafts, jewelry, playing the ukulele, calligraphy, journaling. 

Walks with the dogs - I joined one of those walking challenges - walk Paris (53km) within 2 months. It's something to get those steps in and get me outdoors. The dogs will love me for it- well, they will be healthier for it. When the days get longer, the walks will be longer. twice a day. 

We both are bad for this, but we both force ourselves as much as possible. 

I keep thinking of my babies Silas and Colette and me not taking them out as much. They loved it when I did. I can be such a cow. 

My relationship is one that I sometimes think I should just walkaway from because it's not healthy for either of us. We share the same goals of travelling and working abroad (not in Canada). Work right now is okay, and I've been busy doing a lot - but still struggle with staying focused. The #ADHD meds have helped tremendously. It's amazing how I can focus on tasks, but not all the time. 

Hopefully 2024 will be much better. I have a coaching group starting January and I think this will keep me on track. I've started using crystals daily, but need to focus on these: 

Crystals - rose quartz, lapus lazuli, clear calcite, green aventurine, hematite. 

Furbabies

The past few months have been very hard to face and my self-esteem, mood, and resilience has been in the toilet.  The smaller pug Lyric had been having some health issues and it came to a head when the vets said she may have Pug dog encephalitis (PDE) due to symptoms she displayed while at the hospital. They put her on a steroid to help but noticed that even before putting her on the steroid she was starting to behave like her normal quirky self. Following her return home, I kept looking at her and not seeing our Lyric, which caused me to be in tears for days. She still wasn't behaving like her usual self. I was concerned that all of her training would have been lost since she wasn't responding to the basic commands (sit, stay, lie down, etc.). Last Saturday, she came back to the training, and I was almost in tears when she started sitting, staying during the one-hour session. She was back! I could see it in her eyes, she was back. 

Trying on costumes and outfits.. silly girls! 

Happy New Year - Will this be THE year...

Lately the weather has been miserably cold and snowy, when will this end?! I really wish that I could take off to a beach, but work and personal pressures are keeping me here at least until March. I have a new temporary job that is causing a lot of anxiety, but I feel really good when I am accomplishing things professionally - AND to be acknowledged for my efforts and achievements.

Early days at the 'condo' where both Silas and Raven (my black cat) sat on the ledge

I am planning a move soon immediately due to unforeseen bullshit circumstances in my condo. So its looks like I'm heading back to the city and closer to my work. I don't know for how long but eventually wanting to get out of the GTA - Niagara Falls is still there - don't really care about those friends acquaintances at that the farm anymore. It hurts when people treat you like an afterthought,  who don't care and expect me to be the one to keep in touch. This is why I am pulling back from everyone this year - why should I care or want to meet up with anyone, everyone lies, pretends to be your friend, pretends to care, but they are all self-absorbed phoney's. Someone texts me and I respond as soon as I can, but send anyone else a text??? ..... and its silence. When I see them, they are like, ah I saw your text but couldn't respond (you mean, you couldn't be bothered to respond). This is why I can't be bothered. I want to just get in my car and drive away from this place.. and go someplace where no one knows me, and I don't know anyone.

My aunt was down over Christmas and it was really nice to see her again - we 'get' each other, and if I had the money, I'd get a place and have her move in with us - but D. probably would not be happy... hell, he can't handle the dogs...

Anyhow, I will be reaching out to a realtor this week, and have her look at my place (need to clean it up first!) and see what minimal things I can do... Wherever I go - they MUST take dogs otherwise, I may end up back in a owner situation, where I will definitely look to see who the property management company is...

Kawartha Cosette on her way home

 I will miss this place, it's been a wild and crazy 10+ years, but its time. The people have changed, I hate the commute, and after spending time working in the government, I quite enjoy walking downtown, being close to so many cultural and outdoor activities - where people are diverse, and open minded.

California Dreamin' on such a winter's day

Well, it hasn't really been fall weather yet - after what seemed like the worst summer in my mind, we finally have the 30C weather I have been waiting for since last spring. Life appears to be getting better, more stressful, but I have the confidence to make decisions, do what I want and not care what about anyone else but me. Since February, I've lost 54lbs and down clothing sizes that I can actually wear things I never thought I would get into. D tried the diet but gave up after 2 months, and I'm sure has put back the weight he lost. I'm disappointment in him and that he doesn't try. I know what that's like and I think I waste to much energy getting him to do things. We are not going to last and I've already emotionally given up on this relationship. Once I sell up, I will pay him what I owe and move on without him. We don't have a relationship, we just occupy the same space. I need to start making plans and do things to get this place ready to sell. Save money and buy that place in the sun once I start my business.

Seriously.

Such a lovely winter we had here in TO and I absolutely hate it. Life is going well with the BF but I am having my doubts. Lately I have been soooo stressed that I can't think properly and I just want to get in the car and drive away, never to return to this sad city. I wish I could be that person...

The Ides of March

Beware.. the ides of March is almost upon us. I am in the final weeks of courses and I am getting anxious and overwhelmed with the pressure. I am looking forward to having some free time to read, learn a new language, or even take a general interest course (TESL). I am getting the itch to move away from here, I am not really happy with living in this area anymore. The weather is awful, many of the people I come across are just rude and full of entitlement. Maybe I should just sell up and move elsewhere in the City. I have my boyfriend and between the both of us, we should do well together. But if and when I get this degree, it should be able to open doors for me. I feel unchallenged at work, all the skills I picked up at school, I rarely use in the workplace. I love the people I work with, and the community - but I rarely get a chance to do anything outside the office. I understand the boss needs me around, but I know I could do so much more.

Relationship is good, much better, although there are times when I wonder if I made the right decision. I may be too set in my ways - too independent I guess. Does this scream independence:)

Where Has The Time Gone?

Here we are, nearing the end of February, a rather cold and snowy year so far - the summer can't get here quick enough. I've got my travel plans for the first half of the year planned. School until mid-April, hoping I pass everything and then I can enjoy the summer, stress free! Signed up for the Good Life Half in May, I need to do better than my last one (2:43), but running outdoors has been a challenge. I am not comfortable with running in snow and slush for fears of twisting my ankle. Thankfully, I have discovered yoga and using other machines in the gym.

Its almost moving day for the other half, and I think things will change once he's completely moved in. If not, then I will have a miserable year. I'll have to wait and see what happens. If Valentine's Day is any indicator... my life is over.

Pets

Cosette looks like she is... Well, drunk! And passed out. 

Enjoying a night in with the BF. Things are going well. Next week I need to connect with friends.

If you are in need of a good cry and love animals....

This is so sad...man's best friend.

winter and dogs

I don't like this time of the year. It's cold, slushy, icy and dog owners are getting lazy. There is nothing more I hate is when you have lazy owners who refuse to pick up their dog mess. What is left are dark spots cluttered around the snow and once the snow melts - its a mess. I make a good effort to always clean up after my dog - I only wish everyone else would as well. Anyhow, the weather is just one thing I hate about this time of the year. All of the holiday madness is over and it seems the 'festive' feeling is over and we are back in the dead of winter. January is my least favourite month of the year. I know I was meant to live somewhere warm.

vacation....

So now I am on holiday until January. I received an email from Air Canada on fare sales 'to my favourite' destinations... a few clicks and I was at the check out page for a flight to London - total price? $1000. I was like, what!? Where's the sale? The fuel alone was over $200. Well, having just received my Maple Leaf Lounge access (card) - I plan on making at least 3 flights this year (one work related so far). I need to make the most of that fee, I don't know what the hell I was thinking when I signed up for it. Oh well, its too late now.

No new dog either, I decided against it. Just don't have the cash to fork out for one. Besides, Silas would hate me if I got another dog.

silas and long island

that's my Silas, trotting along 'Brighten Beach'. Not exactly how I pictured it, but for March, it was delightful. An absolute pleasure to be WALKING around and was somewhat relaxing. The trip was not worth all the b*crap I had to deal with such as crazy drivers and the company I went with. Note to self, go with someone different next time. I swear, I spent more time in the care than walking anywhere. the person that I went with wasn't much help. It will be the last time I go anywhere with them. What has come out of this trip? My desire to drive! I need to get my license - because next year this time, I want to be able to get in a car and go anywhere!