It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas…

This year, I am going to be more prepared and in the festive spirit. And there will be no ‘spirits’ this year, it’s time to put them to rest and don’t look back. Enough of that already. Since January 31, I have lost 37 lbs which is unbelievable, but I know once the Wegovy ends, I’ll likely gain 10 lbs back, but hopefully no more. I need to increase the movement and strength training because I am losing muscle. I must get to that gym. 

These pugs are so darn cute and Moana has a voice that I really should record. She can be very loud and it’s hilarious to listen to her. I need to incorporate more walks during the day because they need to get outdoors. It’s not too cold for them right now, so it’s ideal weather. Later when it is colder and there’s snow on the ground, they may not want to get out - although something tells me that Moana will still want to get out. I wish I had a house with a backyard that she can run around. Sometimes I feel like I should just give them up to a family that will take them out and feed them properly; not like how I look after them. Walks that last 20 minutes, and feeding them anything with lots of treats throughout the day. I only have to think about my baby Cosette to see how wrong that is. I really need to stop it. 

I need a new job or something that I can be accountable to me only. The workforce are being forced back to the office 4 days now and managers are not able to have AWA’s so my 2 days per week, is now 4 and I can’t flex my hours either. This is fucking bullshit - the entire workforce has managed hybrid for 5 years with no issues, but no, fat fuck wants everyone to hang around a fucking water cooler shooting the shit. Like who does that - it’s not the fucking eighties dickhead. I hope ON wakes up and votes this crook in the next election in fucking 6 years. He and his other cons are milking the public purse and our tax dollars, and no one gives a fuck. I should move to my reserve so I don’t pay fucking taxes. 

It’s 07:34 and I’m sitting at work, no one is around. For a workplace that is back to the office 4 days a week, I’ve seen maybe 8-10 people in my office - out of the 40 or so that should be here. This is bullshit. These unionized workers can come in whenever, and if I dare to say to my staff to get in - I’ll be the bitch. 

Later. 

Summer in the city... pugs, real estate and new journeys

The summer is officially on the downward as we enter into what usually is the CNE and the end of summer. It hasn't been a great summer but has been a bit productive.. I finally ordered my kitchen, and really (no, really!!) starting to get rid of things and feeling hopeful that things will be better. I am still depressed and have anxiety over my life.. not having any vices to rely on is forcing me to really feel things which I am not sure I am used to. I want to get out of here as soon as I can so I can start a new life somewhere else. I love my job but feel that I need to get what I can out of it and start setting myself up to do better things. I know I can - I just need to focus and stop eating/drinking shit. The pugs are doing better - Moana is starting to get chunky and Lyric is just plain crazy. But I wouldn't trade them for the world. Yes, I still miss Cosette and Silas - I actually travelled out to where I adopted them years ago (Norwood, ON and Kawartha Lakes ON) and felt it was right that I drove through there on the way to Ottawa. Lyric still has medical issues but nothing that holds her back.. she's still on a low protein diet, but no meds. Will write again soon.. 

November Blahs

This year has gone by quickly. Covid19 completely screwed me over in more ways than one.. I hope 2021 is much better.. 

its one year with these pugs and they are doing much better these days. Lyric is improving... we just came back from a few days near Lake Erie.. I definitely want to move there...

Furbabies

The past few months have been very hard to face and my self-esteem, mood, and resilience has been in the toilet.  The smaller pug Lyric had been having some health issues and it came to a head when the vets said she may have Pug dog encephalitis (PDE) due to symptoms she displayed while at the hospital. They put her on a steroid to help but noticed that even before putting her on the steroid she was starting to behave like her normal quirky self. Following her return home, I kept looking at her and not seeing our Lyric, which caused me to be in tears for days. She still wasn't behaving like her usual self. I was concerned that all of her training would have been lost since she wasn't responding to the basic commands (sit, stay, lie down, etc.). Last Saturday, she came back to the training, and I was almost in tears when she started sitting, staying during the one-hour session. She was back! I could see it in her eyes, she was back. 

Trying on costumes and outfits.. silly girls! 

Happy New Year - Will this be THE year...

Lately the weather has been miserably cold and snowy, when will this end?! I really wish that I could take off to a beach, but work and personal pressures are keeping me here at least until March. I have a new temporary job that is causing a lot of anxiety, but I feel really good when I am accomplishing things professionally - AND to be acknowledged for my efforts and achievements.

Early days at the 'condo' where both Silas and Raven (my black cat) sat on the ledge

I am planning a move soon immediately due to unforeseen bullshit circumstances in my condo. So its looks like I'm heading back to the city and closer to my work. I don't know for how long but eventually wanting to get out of the GTA - Niagara Falls is still there - don't really care about those friends acquaintances at that the farm anymore. It hurts when people treat you like an afterthought,  who don't care and expect me to be the one to keep in touch. This is why I am pulling back from everyone this year - why should I care or want to meet up with anyone, everyone lies, pretends to be your friend, pretends to care, but they are all self-absorbed phoney's. Someone texts me and I respond as soon as I can, but send anyone else a text??? ..... and its silence. When I see them, they are like, ah I saw your text but couldn't respond (you mean, you couldn't be bothered to respond). This is why I can't be bothered. I want to just get in my car and drive away from this place.. and go someplace where no one knows me, and I don't know anyone.

My aunt was down over Christmas and it was really nice to see her again - we 'get' each other, and if I had the money, I'd get a place and have her move in with us - but D. probably would not be happy... hell, he can't handle the dogs...

Anyhow, I will be reaching out to a realtor this week, and have her look at my place (need to clean it up first!) and see what minimal things I can do... Wherever I go - they MUST take dogs otherwise, I may end up back in a owner situation, where I will definitely look to see who the property management company is...

Kawartha Cosette on her way home

 I will miss this place, it's been a wild and crazy 10+ years, but its time. The people have changed, I hate the commute, and after spending time working in the government, I quite enjoy walking downtown, being close to so many cultural and outdoor activities - where people are diverse, and open minded.

Silas